10 Signs You Went To An All-Girls Convent School in Singapore

Convent Girl Traits

We may share the hatred for knee-length skirts and the love for communal in-school Valentine’s Day celebrations—including gifts from secret admirers, like the bung from the next class. But even years down the road, there’s just something so significant about ex-convent girls that you can sniff a mile away. When we tell others we came from an all-girls school, “Chey, can tell” is their most common response.

Even though we may sit with one leg up at home and spell great ¾ of the time, here are some traits that potentially define the typical catholic-school-bound chick.

1. No subject is awkward to us

From period talk to our early acceptance of homosexuality through the exposure of lesbian tendencies (yes I said it, call the nuns out on me), we’re as open-minded as can be.

It’s only natural for girls to congregate and talk about their ~ feelings ~. So instead of looking at us like we’re gossip queens, see us as your greatest listeners. And after hearing all the backstabbing crap pubescent girls put each other through, nothing really shocks us anymore.

Born into a culture of debate and discussion, there’s no such thing as oversharing. Because we love to talk—maybe even too much.

2. The jiak kan tang ones suck at Mandarin so bad

Aside from the well-rounded overachievers who can converse with the lao shis of course.

Maybe it’s the unhealthy addiction to witty yet derogatory banter to one another in our native language (English), but our Mother Tongue is more like a distant aunt who criticises our single status during Chinese New Year.

The only Higher Mother Tongue we know is Sarcasm, which we speak fluently. However, come later in life, we wish it wasn’t so hard to order a damn bowl of bak chor mee due to our fear-complex. When high-pitched screeches resemble our Mandarin teachers exclaiming our Chinese names, we still get jumpy.

3. We are THE masters of passive aggression

Being surrounded by the master source of passive aggression really sharpened our shade-throwing skills. Especially since girl-on-girl disputes are frequent occurrences that need to be handled covertly. But contrary to Mean Girl’s beliefs, not everything in girl-world has to be sneaky. We can sure as hell make you feel our wrath with the iciest cold shoulder, backhanded remark, and piercing death-stare. RBFs, salute!

4. We’re buay paiseh

It must be linked to the fact that we spent our most vital teenage years in an open and supportive environment that allowed us to flourish. We didn’t have boys around, so we had the space to develop our identity without being apologetic about it. No judgement, no social construct to dictate the idea of ‘ladylike’.

But it’s not like we’ve never socialised with boys outside the compounds. Just because something isn’t easily accessible, doesn’t mean we won’t find a way. It was just easier for KC girls to hunt males down when they were only one love-bridge away from St Pat’s.

5. We have diva-reflex

Somehow, almost every convent girl you meet will have a melodramatic tendency. Maybe it’s the fact that our cohabitants for up to 10 years included many people from Drama class—which was considered pretty cool in the all-female environment. Or the fact that we thrived amidst the battlefield of girlish catfights, which honed our exaggeration skills.

Even if you weren’t heavily involved in the school’s politics, witnessing  drama alone probably rubbed off on you. You’d know how to flex that drama-queen muscle if provoked. I believe in you.

6. We’re super affectionate

Boob slaps. Hugs upon every interaction. Nothing is misconstrued as flirty among us the way it would be if we were to act the same way around guys. We’re comfortable being excessively touchy with our girlfriends because that’s just how much we love them. So boys, sorry for the misunderstanding.

7. We’re extremely empathetic

I’m pretty sure we all knew of cry-babies in our schools. But in an all girls’ institution, it’s just more common. So we’ve learnt how to handle the superfluous emotion that runs deep within our womanly loins, expertly and efficiently.

Girls cry for an array of reasons, and yes we’ll be the first to admit—that includes shark week. We’re used to young girls overreacting to trivial problems. We don’t judge. We are just sympathetic, sensitive little angels who know where you’re coming from.

8. Although, people might think we’re “exclusive”

Our low-key diva attitude also ensues we might end up a little lost when mixing among people of diverse backgrounds. Not to be confused with acting elitist; we’re just used to being candid without backlash or people easily taking offense. So that may cause some misunderstandings on our (perceived) “don’t talk to me” disposition.

Outside, we might be susceptible to post-convent culture shock, but among our kind the camaraderie is strong. Some label this as clique-y, but it’s just the ease of comfort with those who can tolerate our meanest, rudest, unglam sides.

9. We go 0 to 100 (and back) real quick

We either love with all our heart, or hate with every fibre in our body. We tend to be fiercely loyal, or your presence can be considered non-existent as far as we’re concerned.

We’ve hated girls of opposing convent schools for no apparent reason, then became best friends with them some time later. Guess we all shared the same struggle of feigning skirt length when bending down every time the teachers checked if our knees were covered by the pinafore. Or the pain of getting nagged at for sitting with our legs apart. Even though that was the game plan because we had shorts underneath, obviously.

10. The bonds we forged in our convent years are lifelong

Friends come and go, but there’ll be at least 1 to 2 (or 10) girlfriends who will stick by us through thick and thin even past our convent years.

We’ve pulled one another out of every bathroom episode, PMS-induced rage and every great escape to pon morning assembly. So when that Kanye West song plays, you best believe we’re thinking about them. Because AIN’T NOBODY FRESHER THAN MY M*F*ING CLIQUE.

Convent Girl Antics

I like to think our species is all business in the front, party at the back. We’re just used to having righteous authoritative figures breathe down our necks with their strict rules, dress codes and culture. But that struck a good balance in us and now in hindsight, that’s what bred a bunch of fun-loving, yet proper young ladies. When the time calls for it, at least. -Source

Life Growing Up As An Indian Muslim Girl in Singapore

Indian Muslims in Singapore

When I was younger, I had the makings of a diva—I thought I was hella cute, charming and had the confidence of a rock star. In fact, my signature move to aptly display my disinterest was to dramatically flip my hair/veil over my shoulder before making my exit.

However, this self-esteem gave way the moment I entered primary school. At the impressionable age of seven, I was taught that as an Indian, my hairy arms made me less appealing than my Chinese or even Malay counterparts.

One incident that stuck with me was when two of my group mates loudly whispered to themselves about how “ugly” I was. Although it seemed like an insignificant event, that comment embedded the seed of insecurity and inferiority in me.

Fast forward to my teenage years, I started to obsess over my atypical looks, only to be reminded of how different I was through mainstream media. Beauty advertisements babbled on about whitening creams while and local TV shows mainly featured Chinese actresses. I felt displaced and under-represented.

If the epitome of ‘Asian beauty’ somehow became synonymous with ‘oriental beauty’ at large, where did that leave the rest of us?

Racial slurs/stereotypes 

Being told that you’re ‘black’ every so often is not much fun, even if it’s just a joke—especially if it’s a joke. More importantly, unless you’re colour blind, you should know that I’m brown. What I’m bothered about is the use of ‘black’ as a derogatory term. I don’t get why every slightly tanned Chinese person is nicknamed ‘Indian’ and ‘Black’.

Once, I told my Chinese friends that I’ll only let them call me ‘Black’ if I could call them ‘Yellow’. The fairest of them all vehemently rejected my proposition, saying, “NooOooO I’m not yellow, I’m fair,” to which I replied, “Okay then, we’ll settle for a compromise; you’re pale yellow.” That shut her up all right.

I do admit that stereotypes stem from certain truths but it isn’t nice for people to use it as an insult or to generalise an entire race by it.

More than just a beauty competition

But when I grew older, the illusion that Singapore is a truly racially harmonious country gave way when I realised that racism exists beyond skin deep.

There’s racism present in our housing market where landlords explicitly state their preference for, “No Indians, No PRCs.” There’s even racism in some of our third generation Singaporeans being denied their nationality just because they come from a minority racial group.

Job prospects

Once, I submitted a passport-sized photo of myself after being selected for a job but the employer completely ghosted me after receiving the picture.

I understand that certain jobs require the employees to speak Mandarin. But when the employers confirm me for an English-speaking role, only to ghost on me after they see a picture of me with a piece of fabric over my head? Tell me it was my “skill set” that didn’t make the cut.

The worst part is when the majority won’t even acknowledge the underlying prejudice as they’ve probably never been discriminated against before.

The need to classify/compartmentalise

Despite the number of times I explain that I’m both an Indian and a Muslim, most people seem uncomfortable when they’re unable to ‘classify’ my ethnicity. In fact, many of them don’t even know that being Malay =/= being a Muslim.

As a Hijabi, I’ve been mistaken to be Malay to even Punjabi (what even?!) and although such an issue may seem like a micro-aggression, let us be reminded that it’s 2017 and such issues shouldn’t exist.

So let me explain the difference: Ethnicity is inherited from one’s ancestors and encompasses the cultural aspect of one’s life. Religion, on the other hand, is a belief in God/Gods and is something one chooses to subscribe to.

With that definition, it’s possible for someone to be a person of Indian ancestry and subscribe to Islamic principles. I’ve met Christian Malays, Hindu Chinese, and atheist Indians so it’s not all that hard to figure out if you understand the intricacies with regards to race and religion.

More importantly, it’s okay if someone comes from an ambiguous background. We don’t always have to staunchly hold on to our cultural identities and deny the authenticity of another person’s identity just because we don’t understand it.

Mixed race relationships

When it comes to B/G relationships, if a girl of a minority race gets together with someone of a majority race, sometimes it’s negatively viewed as her “climbing up the social ladder”. This brings about prejudice-fuelled exclamations of, “OMG your boyfriend is Chinese?!”, as though it’s supposed to be an #achievementunlocked.

And it works both ways. Some of my family members who married outside our racial group were labelled  ‘betrayers’ for abandoning their own kind.

Every time I attend an interracial wedding, my mother makes me promise that I’d never do such a thing. Although I respect my mother’s wishes, I believe that love is blind to discrimination and we shouldn’t impose unnecessary judgement on others.

Unacknowledged majority privilege

My favourite quote of late has been,“Privilege is invisible to those who have it.”

Source

I’m not saying that we should abolish “majority privilege”, but we should make an effort to empathise with people who are in a less advantaged state than us.

My journey to take charge of my self-esteem was a difficult one but I learnt that I don’t need external validation to feel confident or beautiful. I based my self-confidence on what my inherent strengths and weaknesses were, and not by looks.

Nonetheless, I’m thankful for how progressive feminists are in Singapore. In order for our society to cohesively progress, certain societal ills must be acknowledged through open discussion.

Be a #Woke Singaporean

Singaporeans have racial harmony ingrained in our DNA since young. Although we’re taught to get along and to ignore the undercurrent tensions, recent incidents have made me a more #woke member of society.

Sweeping such issues under the rug won’t help for long ‘cause over time, maintaining the status quo will only lead to minority people’s dissent. Instead, we should all be more #woke Singaporeans. -Source

15 Types Of Girls’ School Girls You’ll Find In Singapore

Girls’ School Girls

Some may think being in an all-girls school is much like being in Mean Girls: catfights, toilet gossip sessions, and segregated cliques within an established pecking order.

But really, after being in an all-girls school for ten years, I can tell you it isn’t all drama and sass. Sure, I’ve experienced my fair share of disputes, but ultimately, these little differences added colour to my life.

If you’ve attended an all-girls school, or are still studying in one, you probably know some of these girls and count them as part of your close-knit family of friends.

1. The one who changes in class all the time

“Don’t turn around ah, I’m changing!”

These girls have mastered the art of slipping out of their pinafores within seconds. Skilful and discreet, they’ve never accidentally flashed a teacher.

Occasionally, you’ll catch her changing outfits five minutes before the lesson ends, so she can scoot off to her CCA immediately after the bell rings.

2. The one who shouts for pads across the classroom

While there’s absolutely nothing to be shy about in an all-girls school, this girl cranks it up a notch.

You’ll definitely know when she’s on her period because you’ll hear a loud “Oi, does anyone have a pad?!” from across the classroom.

It’s no biggie—shout and you shall receive.

3. The one who looks like a butch

Often in more sporty CCAs such as netball, this girl has long swapped her dresses and denim shorts for shirts and berms.

At one point, she’s probably gotten a haircut at the S$5 barber shop the boys frequent.

4. The one who goes around smacking asses and unhooking bras

Quietly descending upon her unsuspecting victim, she catches them off guard and runs off screaming and cackling after having completed a ‘successful mission’.

Years after graduation, you still don’t understand why she derives satisfaction from such antics.

5. The one who breaks the rules

Girls’ school girls are often repeatedly told to be ‘young ladies’ who have to ‘uphold the school’s reputation’ (whatever that means).

But there’s this girl who just DGAF. She hangs out with ‘bad’ company, has a boyfriend in lower sec, skips class, and *gasps* smokes in the school toilet. Sometimes, she even wears her school uniform while playing truant.

When hauled into the principal’s office and berated by teachers who think she’s going against God’s ways, she’ll always reply:

Source

6. The one who is boy crazy

Whenever there is a male guest speaker or exchange student in school, she’ll be the first to rush back to class, gushing “OMG! OMG!!! HE’S DAAAAMN CUTE!!!”

Sometimes, you’ll even catch her ogling the hot male teacher who teaches Biology.

Source

7. The one who wears makeup to school

She’s the girl who comes to school with her brows on fleek and skin looking #flawless. When asked if she wears makeup, she becomes defensive and insists she #wokeuplikethis.

Usually, she’s also the girl who dyes her hair brown and tells everyone it’s her natural colour. If she swims, she probably blames the chlorine for lightening her hair.

But really gurlll, why are your roots still black?

8. The one who knows every guy from the boys’ school down the road

Some call her popular, while others call her ‘slutty’. After school, she often hangs out with a group of boys at the nearby McDonalds or mall rooftop.

Ask about any guy and she’ll be able to give you a little beef on him. If you’re nice, she might even ‘intro’ you to him.

9. The one who glo’d up

Remember the kid who got bullied for being plus-sized in lower sec?

Yeah, she lost all her baby fat before you could say “puberty”, and blossomed into the It girl every boys’ school boy had a crush on.

10. The one who is a ‘feminist’

Feminism and standing for equality is great, but not when you misconstrue it and turn into a full-blown feminazi.

During class discussions and relationship talks, the feminazi usually argues along the vein of, “yeah, because all boys are MCPs (male chauvinist pigs)”. All in the name of ‘feminism’, of course.

Not the actual definition of feminism.
Source

11. The one who has Princess Syndrome

Known as ‘Daddy’s Spoilt Little Girl’, she’s the princess who always boasts about her latest phone model, pop albums, and shopping haul.

Even if she lives just down the road, her parents will still chauffeur her to school in a fancy car. And if they don’t, she’ll whine and insist until they do.

12. The one who speaks with an angmoh accent

Despite being 100% local, this girl probably feels speaking in a fake American accent automatically makes her cooler and better than the rest.

Peppering her speech with slang, and adding “like” and “oh my God” in the way only Cali girls do, she makes sure to harp on how she ‘picked up her accent on her family trip to America’ from years ago.

13. The one whose entire family is part of the alumni

Patriotic by blood, this girl’s mum, sisters, and aunts are probably old girls. As members of the alumni committee, you’ll hear their surname mentioned at every charity donation board, parent-teacher meeting, and extracurricular activity.

In 15 years, you’ll likely find her daughters there too.

14. The one who is everyone’s girl crush

Super smart, super athletic, super talented, super chio—she’s the girl everyone wants to be.

#spoilmarket

15. The one who is the mum of the group

Usually carrying around a water bottle and a pack of tissues, the mum of the group somehow feels responsible for the welfare of everyone around her.

Aside from returning your plates after recess or nagging you to drink more water because “it’s good for you”, her maturity gives her insight so she knows just what to say to resolve petty girl drama.

Source

Being In An All-Girls School

No matter what type of girls’ school girl you are, celebrate your difference because it’s diversity which makes us stronger. -Source

13 Things Which Only Happen In Singapore Girls’ Schools

Image source

Girls’ School Culture

When parents think of all-girls schools in Singapore, most would picture a prestigious distraction-free institution, for their daughters to further their studies and blossom into well-groomed young women.

But when actual alumni think of girls’ school, they remember a pretty different picture.

From ratchet catfights to rumours about haunted toilets, life in an all-girls school is… exciting, to say the least.

Whether you were the guai-est nerd or the biggest slacker, here are some real-life stories you can probably relate to if you went to an all-girls school in Singapore.

*Some names were changed to protect identities

1. Boy drama when girls hooked up with church mates

In my girls’ school, I was happily single but incredibly bored. As there were no boys in school, most girls hooked up with guys from church, an affiliated school, or tuition class. And whenever there was boy drama, the gossip turned into lunch topics we lived for.

When my friend was the first girl in class to get a boyfriend from church, she had the juiciest relationship drama. Her first time story had us all shook because we’d never known anyone else who’d ‘done it’.

Girls would also fight over popz guys from the affiliated boys’ school. While I managed to stay out of it, there were girls who fell out with each other because of these crushes.
Chloe, 20

2. Widespread lesbianism

In Sec 1, a rumour about one girl being gay was the most controversial thing we’d ever heard. When she got a girlfriend, they became the most famous couple in school.

But fast forward to Sec 4, 30% of the school had come out as gay or bi, including myself.

No one treated it like a controversy anymore, and it was comforting to be in a community which didn’t discriminate.
Lea, 18

3. Unique school rules

Most schools have strict rules, but girls’ schools take it to another level. Skirt too short? Buy a new one. Hair too long? Cut it off with the pair of scissors in the staff room.

There were several things we could be reprimanded for: coloured bras, wearing a suit to prom, hugging (the school thought we would turn gay), not having a school logo on our socks, having hair too long or too short, etc.

Once, a girl who participated in Hair For Hope was forced to wear a wig to school.

But by Sec 4, many found ourselves criticising juniors for looking unkempt and ruining our public image.

Source

Sabrina, 19

4. Rabak catfights

I think being in a girls’ school makes you more confident, but not always in a good way. Especially with no guys around to impress, many girls had no qualms about going full-ratchet and picking fights with others.

The first time I witnessed a catfight was when someone talked shit about my classmate’s girlfriend. She got defensive and responded by splashing water on the girl’s face.

From there, there was slapping and hair-pulling, and a huge crowd formed. We only dispersed when some prefects showed up and broke up the fight.
Elena, 24

5. Girls supporting girls

My school had a culture of fiercely cheering friends who were on stage, whether for a performance, an award ceremony, or even morning announcements. It would take forever to get the hall to settle down and carry on with the assembly.

Once, I was about to make an announcement about my CCA’s upcoming event, but my anxiety made my voice shake.

From a corner of the hall where my classmates sat, I heard a collective “Go, Melanie!” It was unnecessarily enthusiastic for a short announcement, but I was extremely grateful.
Melanie, 19

6. Getting caught changing in class

Changing in and out of our PE attire in class was the norm because the bathroom queue was always too long.

Initially, we would face the wall or hide under tables to be discreet. But by Sec 4, most girls would be shamelessly flashing their bras in the middle of the classroom.

Once, a male teacher accidentally walked in while we were getting ready. We made him wait outside and started class 15 minutes late, but he didn’t scold us because the whole ordeal was too embarrassing for him.
Jane, 19

7. No shame or boundaries

Without guys around, we were free from patriarchal expectations of women. Some girls flashed their hairy pits, while others sat with their legs opened because they were “wearing shorts anyway”.

The absence of guys also let us openly discuss topics from periods to masturbation.

My no-filter friend once exclaimed in the middle of class “my vagina damn pain sia!” and excused herself to the sick bay.

Source

Amanda, 19

8. Valentine’s Day was lit

Valentine’s Day was a huge event every year, with girls spending hours handcrafting gifts, writing letters, or buying candies for each other.

One year, there was even an external vendor selling roses during recess due to the demand.

In JC1, not realising the tradition was a girls’ school thing, I made the mistake of getting chocolates for all my classmates. Almost everyone, especially the guys, thought I was weird. Or worse, trying to ‘hit’ on them.
Alicia, 19

9. Fangirling over seniors

It was a big thing, especially in the uniform groups, to idolise your seniors or send anonymous gifts to them.

But by the time we outgrew it, we had our own juniors fangirling about us, and so the cycle continued.
Rachel, 21

10. Being shook when boys show up

While we were independent women who could live without a man, we’d still freak out when groups of guys came for joint-school programmes.

We’d gasp and whisper as we watched them from the opposite end of the canteen as if we had discovered a new species of men. Because back in primary school, these guys were scrawny, prepubescent children.

Visits from these more matured boys were an exciting glimpse into our future of EC-ing guys on a regular basis in JC.
Nadia, 18

11. Excessive skinship

I always felt comfortable hugging and snuggling with my girls’ school friends.

It probably stemmed from all the long, boring assemblies where we’d take naps in the laps of the girl behind us. That, and braiding our friends’ hair, always pissed the speakers off.

My best friend and I enjoyed holding each other’s hands and confusing teachers as to whether we were a couple, knowing it wasn’t within their comfort zone to ask.
Meg, 19

12. Crushing on hot teachers

I’m sure many schoolgirls were infatuated with their hot male teachers, but in girls’ schools, it was intense. The lack of boys to crush on made some teachers the unwilling object of many students’ attention, for four whole years.

There was always some young hottie who’d have his mail tray flooded with gifts and flowers from admirers on Teachers’ Day. Some girls would even sign up for remedial to spend more time with their teacher-crushes.

I cringe when I reflect on my angsty teen days, sighing over unrequited love for a man who was twice my age and married.
Becca, 20

13. Angels & Mortals

Angels and Mortals was a big deal in my school. I’d put so much effort into my letters to my Angel, and kept all her letters to me in a special box.

It felt nice to know there was someone supporting and looking out for me.

But apparently, my school banned the game after I graduated, because it was causing trouble among students. It’s a shame current students will never experience this meaningful tradition.
Gwen, 24

Just Girls’ School Things

The girls’ school experience is something many never forget, long after graduation. Despite some bad memories, many old girls admit those were some of the best years of their lives.

And looking back on the weird shit you and your friends used to do, and still do, it’s clear some things never change.

Report: Singapore has highest gaps in sense of belonging at school between students of different socio-economic statuses

SINGAPORE — A report by the Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) has listed Singapore as having the largest gap in students’ sense of belonging at school, going by their socio-economic status (SES).

Worldwide, this gap between students of higher and lower socio-economic statuses has widened for six countries, namely Singapore, Australia, Brazil, New Zealand, the Slovak Republic and Sweden.

Only four countries — Bulgaria, Japan, the Netherlands and Portugal — have seen their gaps close.

The Equity in Education: Breaking Down Barriers to Social Mobility report, released on Tuesday (Oct 23), takes part of its data from the 2015 results of the OECD's Programme for International Student Assessment (Pisa), which are administered to about 540,000 15-year-olds in 72 countries.

In Singapore in 2015, about 80 per cent of students of higher SES reported that they felt a sense of belonging at school, while about 70 per cent of “disadvantaged students” felt the same way, leading to a gap of about 10 percentage points.

Comparatively, the average across OECD countries was 77 per cent of advantaged students saying that they felt they belong at school, whereas some 69 per cent of disadvantaged students felt the same. The socio-economic gap was thus 8 percentage points.

Back in 2012, when Singapore also took part in Pisa, close to 82 per cent of students of higher SES felt a sense of belonging at school, while about 81 per cent of “disadvantaged students” felt the same way. The gap then was about 1 percentage point.

“Disadvantaged students” are defined as students in the bottom 25 per cent of the socio-economic index in the country, whereas the “advantaged students” are from the top 25 per cent.

Students’ sense of belonging at school is the extent to which they felt accepted by and connected to their peers and part of the school community.

Pisa measured this by asking students to rate — from strongly agree to strongly disagree — whether they felt a sense of belonging at school.

The OECD report noted that, in general, students from “socio-economically advantaged” families enjoy a stronger sense of belonging at school than “disadvantaged students”.

It found that, across the countries surveyed, “interestingly… the socio-economic differences in sense of belonging at school disappear once student performance is taken into account”.

“This suggests that disadvantaged students who score higher enjoy a similarly strong sense of belonging at school as their more advantaged peers,” the report stated.

HARD TO ACCOUNT FOR WIDE GAP

Experts contacted by TODAY said that it was tricky to draw a conclusive explanation for Singapore’s large gap in Pisa 2015, given that it was a single question posed to students.

Associate Professor Jason Tan from the National Institute of Education suggested that one possible factor for the gap is the distribution of students of different SES across schools.

There is evidence to suggest that there is a “disproportionate percentage of high SES students who tend to be enrolled in ‘more prestigious secondary schools’”, and the converse is also true, he said.

He also said that there is insufficient data from the report’s results, given that Pisa did not take into account questions of factors — such as teachers, school leadership, as well as peers — leading to them feeling (or not feeling) a sense of belonging at school.

These questions could be useful to the Ministry of Education (MOE), as well as educators, to better understand the issue, he added.

Dr Timothy Chan, director of SIM Global Education’s academic division, said that to close this “perception gap”, schools need to have a “well representation” of students from across different socio-economic backgrounds.

“If the situation ends up that some schools attract more students with higher SES… then it may lead to (a widening of the gap),” he added.

Assoc Prof Tan said that one long-term effect of such a gap is how parents view their involvement in their school-going children’s education.

Stressing that it was speculative — given the lack of ample evidence — he said that parents who previously had poor experiences in school might view their involvement differently.

“Similarly, someone with a good experience in school… (and a sense of belonging to their school), would want the same for their children,” he added.

Sociologist Tan Ern Ser from the National University of Singapore said that “in the worst-case scenario, the education system would become less of a vehicle for upward mobility, and in turn, lead to greater polarisation in society at large”.

‘ALL SCHOOLS WELL-RESOURCED’: MOE

The OECD report highlighted a trend from earlier reports that students from better socio-economic backgrounds tended to perform better at Pisa.

“Hence, disadvantaged students attending disadvantaged schools are… doubly disadvantaged as they strive for achievement,” the report added.

“Disadvantaged schools” refers to schools in the bottom 25 per cent of the national distribution, based on the average SES levels of students in the schools.

On average, among OECD countries, 48 per cent of disadvantaged students attended disadvantaged schools.

The MOE said that in Singapore, that figure is around 46 per cent.

However, Ms Cindy Khoo, divisional director of MOE’s planning division, said that some clarification was needed on OECD’s use of “doubly disadvantaged” in its report.

“In Singapore’s context, all our schools are well-resourced by international standards. Therefore, our lower-SES students in what OECD termed as ‘disadvantaged schools’ are actually not worse-off in terms of provisions,” she said.

“Nevertheless, MOE has been monitoring the trend independently of OECD and is concerned about the slow creeping up of the proportion,” she added.

The ministry regularly reviews the admissions processes and students’ total educational experience, “to ensure our schools do not become closed circles, and that our students continue to have opportunities to interact with people from diverse backgrounds”, Ms Khoo said. -Source

Unfollowing You On Instagram Doesn’t Mean We Can’t Be Friends

image source

Unfollowing on Instagram

The ‘unfollow’ button is a storm that rocks many Millennials’ friendships. “Unfollowing means they are no longer interested in my life,” they mentioned.

“If we are friends and I unfollow you, it means we are probably not really friends. To be my friend, I would love the person you are, online or offline,” a popular Instagrammer @rchlwngxx explained.

Instagram curates a story of who they wanted to be perceived as; reflecting their ideal selves, hopes, and dreams.

As such it leads many to link unfollowing as a rejection. 

But does ‘unfollow’ = no interest in your life?

Friendships can mean different things

For most people, friendships are formed over tasks at work or school. They were drawn to the same activities like sports or computer games; or find an inexplicable connection on first contact.

When you build a friendship, you don’t always know what pets a person has, what they had for lunch and who their significant other is; common content pillars of people’s Instagram accounts.

While Instagram shows the more worthy aspects of your life, it could be through a period of pain that I bonded with you. And I find it difficult to relate to your filtered smiles or new boyfriend.

It doesn’t mean I have no interest in what you have to say in private (and not on a public platform).

How I feel about social media sometimes. Source

Social media didn’t use to have such high stakes

I remember getting on Instagram almost seven years ago. I posted pretty much whatever I pleased—from neighbourhood cats to the coffee I was drinking.

It was called Instagram because it instantaneously shows where you are and what you are up to.

However, the rules have changed in recent years—vintage filters like X-pro and Sienna phased out with people preferring a more natural “I got up like this” look.

People became savvier about how often they posted, when they posted, and even curated their feed. In a sense, Instagram began to feel more fake or commercial and I no longer felt obligated to follow my friends’ fake lives.

Instagram is more a business than a friendship indicator

It might feel like we have lived on Instagram all this while, but we should be aware the social media landscape constantly shifts and in turn, our relationships and meanings.

Instagram also constantly updates to have a larger stake in our lives. For example, a few people mentioned the new mute function.

“If you find your good friend’s posts annoying, you can just mute it. To unfollow is almost sending a message that I’m not close with you anymore. I don’t wanna see your feed,” Lionel explained.

These new functions pacify the unfollow = unfriend beliefs. However, is it fair to expect our less savvy friends to continually keep up with these unwritten rules?

I, for one, did not know about the mute function before this. Wanting my feed to be filled with more art, comics and memes, I unfollowed some of my friends.

Now, I understand it must have seemed offensive to my friends. Though, I feel friendship should be built on less trivial foundations. 

Does understanding that social media is more of a marketplace than a friendship band help us to take an ‘unfollow’ less seriously?

“I used to have the ‘Unfollow’ app (which helps one detect who unfollowed recently) but deleted it because it was TOXIC,” said Leah, our video producer.

Social media is just one part of our lives

While our emotions tell us that a ‘follow’ or ‘like’ is an official validation of friendship, we need to be wary of such beliefs.

There are many factors that surround friendships and relationships, and social media opens up a whole new chapter with unspoken rules. Some, like me, have outdated guidebooks.

Let’s keep an open mind and not be too quick to jump to the conclusion that an ‘unfollow’ is a deletion of friendship.

The same way we don’t assume a ‘follow’ to be a friend.

Why People Who Shop Less Are Likely To Be Better Friends

image source

Shopping To Cope With Unhappiness

“Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping,” was a Gertrude Stein quote that was prominently displayed at the old ION Orchard Rubi outlet.

Back then, 18-year-old me agreed wholeheartedly.

Like most girls, I loved shopping, particularly online. But I noticed every time the initial high from shopping wore off, the worst I felt. Spending too much added to my emotional distress and the feel-good effects were quickly replaced by guilt and frustration.

It didn’t help that I wasn’t in a mentally healthy place and didn’t have many friends. Buying things was the easy way out for me to cope with and avoid my unhappiness.

Why shopping addiction ruins friendships

Studies have found those who spend on and overvalue material objects tend not to form meaningful social relationships. Specifically, those who are lonely often fill the void with the adoption of materialistic values.

Looking back, I noticed I shopped when I was feeling bored, anxious, or lonely. Like eating sugar, I got hooked on the euphoric ‘high’ buying things gave me

And because I could ‘manufacture’ happiness by myself, it discouraged me from reaching out to my friends. It made me question why I should maintain relationships if it was too emotionally draining for my introverted self.

I did not realise the temporary happiness I got from shopping was an addiction. While it didn’t turn me into a bad friend per se, it changed my views on what truly mattered.

So whenever my friends invited me for a meal, I’d tell them I was too broke to go out. If they asked me to go shopping, I’d tell them I just bought a whole bunch of clothes. Whenever they reached out and offered their friendship, I rejected them.

Soon enough, they stopped asking because I “wouldn’t come anyway”. I isolated myself, became selfish, turned into a bad friend who would turn to retail therapy for comfort, and the vicious cycle continued.

Dealing With Shopping Addiction

At the end of the day, shopping addicts may be surrounded by things, but find themselves even more alone.

To curb my urge to shop, I learnt to ignore the voice that screamed “TREAT YO SELF”. I questioned if I really needed something thrice. And if I was still thinking about a new bag or dress three days later, I would go back and buy it.

I worked on questioning why I felt lonely and resolved selfish behaviours which made me an unpleasant person to be around.

So instead of entering that promo code when you’re dealing with emotional pain, longing, depression or emptiness, try calling up a couple of friends for dinner. Having someone listen to your problems will do you a whole lot more good and cost you next to nothing.

And deep down, you know that handbag you’ve been thinking of buying can’t help you get your shit together. -Source

Why Millennials Don’t Want Children And It’s Not About Money

Why I Won’t Have Kids

Last year, Singapore’s total fertility rate hit a low of 1.16 births per woman.

If you strain your ears, you can hear screams of “HOW CAN DIS B ALLOW?!” coming from the Ministry of Social and Family Development.

This downward trend persists despite shifts toward affordable and accessible domestic help, increasingly family-friendly workplace environments, and baby bonus measures.

More fathers are also taking the role of caretaker and schools are trying to lessen pressures by removing class rankings and examinations.

The government’s failure to boost birth rates seems like a sad case of “When you try your best but you don’t succeed”.

But personally, I feel why it’s so hard to get Singaporeans to piak piak without condoms and make babies is because the government is only treating the symptoms of the problem.

Perhaps, Singaporean Millennials are scared of having children because we are still children ourselves.

We are educated and broken

Nigerian poet Ijeoma Umebinyuo wrote “so many broken children living in grown bodies mimicking adult lives.” On a certain level, Singaporean Millennials understand this.

We’re the most educated generation in history. We’ve learnt by observing our parents’ relationships that happy families are not the norm. We’re a generation dealing with the pain of separated parents in a time where divorce rates are at a 10-year high.

We experience a quarter-life crisis because we exit Uni as perfect products of the education system, our creativity, dreams, and ambitions removed. We’re terrified to be in a workplace which mockingly laughs “WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD” when we’re in pain.

We are choosing not to rush

Dealing with loneliness, uncertainty, and a troubled economy isn’t new; our parents had to cope with the same issues and they had less money. But what makes this generation so different is we’re choosing to prioritise our mental health, personal growth, and happiness.

We are more informed, connected, and vocal thanks to the internet. We’re having discussions about LGBT, mental health, and race, forming communities to grow and heal together. We’re using body positivity hashtags and learning to speak kindly to ourselves.

And as a generation, we’re choosing not to rush. We’re choosing not to become our parents, and to unintentionally inflict pain on the people we love.

I’ve never confirmed this, but I think my parents got married at 25 and 27 respectively because it was ‘the right time’. Having me and my sister two and four years later was the ‘natural’ next step.

I have no doubt my parents love me. I can see they’ve tried to be better parents for me than my grandparents were for them.

But repairing a broken parent-child relationship in my twenties and dealing with their divorce made me realise my parents were not ready to have kids. 24 years on, my dad is still learning to be a father.

Children are not prizes

This year, I turned 24; an age where it feels appropriate to put a single, perfunctory candle on my birthday cake. This year, I am one year younger than when my dad promised my mum “I do”.

I’m straddling the awkward age where half my friends are testing their body’s ability to prevent alcohol poisoning every weekend, and the other half are getting engaged and married.

Millennials are unafraid of commitment; we’re happy to pledge forever to someone and riddle ourselves with a 30-year BTO-induced financial debt. And it’s not that we don’t want children; we still think “two kids, one boy and one girl” is ideal.

But Millennials know children are not prizes to be won in court custody cases. Children aren’t something to have “because you want to know what they’d look like” or “a nice addition to the family”.

And children definitely shouldn’t be a means to boost the population growth rate.

How Singapore Can Encourage Childbirth Rates

Thriving families are made of loving parents with healthy relationships. To be good partners, we first need to be emotionally-mature individuals. We need good communication and conflict resolution skills to sustain marriages and lower divorce rates in the long run.

We need to focus on ourselves first before we can love others and be a good parent.

Even though laws can be created to ‘encourage’ marriage by dictating who can or cannot afford housing, the government can’t create a one-size-fits-all instruction manual on how to be a decent human being.

So let us learn to find our feet and be better adults for ourselves. Maybe then, we’ll feel we’re fit to parent the next generation.

Why Singaporeans Hate Influencer Celebs More Than Celebs

illustration by Asher Mak

Why Singaporeans Hate Influencers

Ask Singaporeans about ‘influenzas’ and most would picture a pretty, slim, fair-skinned Chinese girl who would gyrate in her panties on Instagram for free fruit juice.

While the world battles disease outbreaks, we battle the internet flu spread by SGInstaBabes, Shutterstock rip-offs for 5-digit ad campaigns, and shoddy work ethics.

But, are local influencers subjected to more vitriol than overseas counterparts?

During a media awards I attended for Southeast Asian influencers, a friend whispered, “Singaporeans don’t support local. So obvious, face so black, unlike the Thais who are so happy for each other even if they lose.”

It was a gross generalisation, but one which carried weight. I’ve felt Singaporean musicians and creatives—JJ Lin, Henry Golding, Joanna Dong, etc.—often have to first make it globally, in order to make it locally. And I wondered why.

Did Nathan Hartono and Joseph Schooling not deserve free Milo Peng before they stepped onto the world stage?

Influencing is not a talent

In apt influencer fashion, I conducted a national research with a sample size equivalent to a mosquito’s brain—over 27k Instagram followers and some influencer friends.

I asked two questions: Are influencers particular hated in Singapore? What makes actors and models different from regular influencers?

8 out of 10 answers reiterated influencers don’t exactly have a talent, while actors and models “work hard through casting calls”. That influencers “don’t use their influence to promote causes”; they’re “materialistic”; they “advertise literally everything” as compared to overseas influencers who are more choosy with campaigns.

Influencers @jaz and @rchlwngxx tell me it’s because “fame gets over their heads” and that “people hate the idea influencers get free shit or are entitled”.

“They are doing it for the fame instead of passion for the craft. Actors, models and entertainers are usually good in their craft before their fame,” adds host-actress @hotcheekylace.

In the fashion industry, people are disheartened when an influencer’s elevated status renders shortcuts to gigs and front row seats that veterans fought hard to attain.

Some are also angered at the lack of minority representation among influencers. This year, a leaked conversation between Miss Singapore Universe 2018 judges revealed only Chinese girls were still in favour of winning.

But, why are models taken more seriously than influencers who essentially do the same work? Why are influencers expected to be more philanthropic to deserve fame?

Meritocracy in Singapore breeds insecurity

In Singapore, meritocracy is a cardinal principle where we believe in ‘work for reward, reward for work.’ Millennials think success is due to their hard work and one’s failure is due to their laziness or incompetence.

Being beautiful is seen as a God-given trait and hence influencers go against the meritocratic principle. We love to hate influencers because we’re envious these influencers get away with so much for doing so little.

Chris (Editor, The Smart Local) agrees we “project our laziness” onto influencers and “wonder why they can get famous for just taking pics” while we can’t.

Perhaps, we are also deeply insecure from being pit against one another in a hypercompetitive Asian society.

Grace (Senior Staff Writer, Rice Media) explains, “We’re a deeply cynical society. With cynicism, there’s always lack of trust and support. Once you’re seen as an influencer, you can’t win. I think it boils down to the privilege paradigm.”

We are irked by privileges that are accessible yet denied, measured by our ‘worth’ that is benchmarked against numbers obtained from our popularity in real life.

In fact, a theory of relative deprivation believes our level of happiness depends on relative deprivation more than on our actual income. Hence, the more we scroll through proposals in Switzerland and Michelin-starred meals in London, the more Crazy Poor we feel.

The advertising industry

In the advertising industry, ROIs have always been a numbers game. We are fed thousands of ads daily, some more subliminal than others. But working in marketing didn’t expose me to a new world; it only shed light on what was already existing for centuries.

Word-of-mouth has long been the most effective sales tool because of authenticity. That’s why home videos go viral for being raw, even if they require 10 drafts to go from draft1.mp4 to finalFinalF**KINGFinal.mp4.

So when the authenticity of an influencer—a real person leading a normal life—is tarnished, we get irked by it far more than by celebrity gossip because we humanise influencers more than traditional celebs.

Yet, the paradox is that everyone still strives for perfection on social media. Everyone is a walking billboard of something to someone, groomed to covet money, looks and achievements. That’s why the fashion, fitness and beauty industries still dominate Instagram.

In fact, we love perfection even in intentional imperfection and marketers and meme creators know this. This year, Los Angeles city released a Graphic Designer job opening with a brilliant viral poster using Comic Sans font.

How can dis b allow?

The cost of fame

I would love pouting my way into Kardashian riches, just as much as I would love teaching English. But if I do so, I know MOE would never take me seriously with my bodycon dress and ‘artistic nakedness’.

Often, a girl has to pick one opportunity cost over the other; she cannot be ‘frivolous’ and ‘professional’ until she does it tastefully and becomes the next billionaire by selling lip kits like Kylie Jenner.

But many young, impressionable influencers do not know the cost of fame. Many agents and advertisers would prefer influencers remain as blind advocators, if it means hitting KPIs.

I once had a facial foam client request for me to post a ‘before-after’ selfie with a digitally brightened ‘after’ shot to show the result of their skin whitening ingredient.

I turned them down not because I was against photo editing (digital manipulation has been an age-old advertising norm), but because they wanted me to highlight how ‘real’ it was on a supposedly authentic, personal platform.

Influencing Standards In Singapore

In the fairytale version of social mobility, everyone rises. But in reality, a meritocratic zero-sum version of social mobility means my child’s one-year supply of free Milo leaves none for yours.

Granted, we can spotlight influencers’ “hard work” to prove they are worthy of being paid to breathe oxygen. But can we demand better content creation if our content consumption is D-cup models, online drama and cat memes on Instagram’s Explore page?

As long as we glorify material wealth, consumerism will always find a way to sell itself, with or without influencers. But if consumption habits change, clients will too. And influencers will be pressured to do more “work” than partying on a yacht for Patreon donors.

Until the industry matures and the barrier of entry is raised, the ‘influenza’ label will blanket every content creator, good or bad.

So, young girls, do not drop out of school for fruit juice, skincare, or a hairdryer. What’s available now might not last in the long-run when the supply of influencers outweigh the demand.

But, of course, it never hurts to have a little fun. -Source

Why Attending Weddings In Singapore Feels More Sian Than Happy

Weddings In Singapore

When you receive a wedding invite, do you…

A) Hope to be picked as a bridesmaid?
B) Believe in love again?
C) Feel your stomach churn a little and find the words “wah sian” leave your mouth under your breath?

If you find yourself feeling sian rather than cheerful over your friend’s wedding, you probably aren’t alone.

So, how can we make weddings great again?

My first wedding invitation

For my first Singaporean hotel wedding, I put on a shirt and stuffed $88 into a red packet, because 8 is a lucky number.

Looking back, I underpaid, but I refuse to feel embarrassed because they live in a much nicer house than me now.

At the wedding, smoke filled the room and the couple emerged singing a duet, occasionally going off-key, but hey, it was their big night. More food, slideshows of childhood photos, speeches and yam sengs followed, before we called it a night.

Western weddings

The first few weddings I attended were in New York while I was studying there. People were in an upbeat mood, constantly clinking their glasses so the new couple would make out (a Western wedding tradition). Once dinner was over, a dance party would continue till late. 

I’ve often thought about why weddings in America are much more fun. My conclusion: spontaneity.

Weddings are too uptight here

For our parents, weddings are grand occasions to present their children to distant family members. However, a few friends have confessed they would rather do without the banquet.

These conflicts of interest in the wedding planning show up on the big day, making everyone strung up that something might go wrong. How can the bride and groom enjoy their moment when they are both the stars and the planners of the show?

Meanwhile, the guests have to put off any expectations for heartfelt conversations, knowing the couple will be too exhausted. There is a lot of fuss but little interaction.

Weddings cost a lot of time and money

Money is transacted through red-packet giving, because wedding costs are exorbitant these days. 

In the past, extended relatives and neighbours would share resources to survive poverty. These days, we draw a clear line between our bank accounts and personal lives, yet weddings are still structured around communal values.

I should give a $200 ang pow because I really want to, not out of obligation. It’s a big party nobody asks for but everybody feels like they need to attend for a cost.

If weddings are Christmas, I am the Grinch. 

Limit your wedding attendance

Now a seasoned wedding invitee, I’ve decided to limit myself to 2 weddings a year. Why? Because attending weddings is tiring.

Previously, I felt it was insulting to decline a friend’s invite. However, after attending a few out of obligation, I’ve realised that you won’t be missed. The bride and groom will be too busy to notice your absence.

Declining a wedding is not rude, it’s humble. As much as I want to feel important in someone’s life, I realise I am probably just a face in the crowd. Especially so at their wedding banquet.

How We Can Make Weddings Great Again

Society has transformed immensely and the heart of the traditions have been forgotten. For example, in photos of my parents’ wedding, I see a roast pig being dissected. This is related to the virginity of the bride, something that is often irrelevant today.

Weddings have become more business than love so let’s cut out what doesn’t matter—your Vera Wang gown, Shangri-La ballroom, or your Instagrammable rose wall.

With our need to look perfect, weddings have turned into a social and financial burden, bad theatre for a tired audience. When really, it’s the marriage that matters.

Throw a simple banquet kampung-style at a restaurant for family and get your religious leader to bless you in the comfort of your home.

For friends like me, I’ll drop by with a bottle of wine to celebrate with you, when you don’t have a million other things to worry about.

Only then, can we get back to what matters without the stress and drama: a celebration of love, friendship and family. - Source

8 Hard Truths About JC in Singapore I Learnt After Surviving Two Years Of Hell

Hard Truths About JC in Singapore

Like most students who went to JC in Singapore, I picked this route because it seemed like a more direct path to university. However, what I didn’t expect was that it would be the most difficult 2 years of my life.

Unlike in secondary school where spoon-feeding was the norm, JC required plenty of self-study. If I had any doubts or misconceptions during lectures, the work would quickly snowball, resulting in an endless game of catch-up.

Coupled with the pressures of being a young adult, my anxiety skyrocketed to a new high and my confidence reached an all-time low in JC. Here are the hard truths I learnt only after surviving two years of what seemed like hell on earth.

1. PW is a pain in the ass

I thought PW was just going to be a small part of my school year. But thanks to uncooperative group mates who left me in the lurch, I spent way more time on projects than I should’ve.

For example, one of my group mates always had excuses for missing meetings. His best excuse was that he couldn’t go online for a discussion because his mother wanted him in bed by 9pm. Excuse me?

Needless to say, after PW ended, none of my group members remained friends with him.

2. Wealth privilege becomes apparent

I’ve had friends whose tuition expenses in JC totalled up to a few thousand dollars a month. While I attended group tuition, they had renowned private tutors who provided better quality resources, such as comprehensive cheat sheets.

Thus, even if they fell asleep during lectures, they came to class the next day with their tutorials filled with all the correct answers. Meanwhile, I’d leave the lecture theatre feeling confused and disheartened, as though I’d learnt nothing.

This only reinforced the stereotype of how students who come from wealthier backgrounds are able to gain a leg up.

3. People join clubs for the sake of their portfolio

Earlier in the school year, everyone seemed excited for weekly CCA sessions. But soon after the leadership and ExCo positions were announced, they started dropping like flies.

One of my teammates who used to be cordial started giving me the cold shoulder after I was elected as the vice-captain of my CCA.

Some also stopped going for trainings and sought other means to boost their portfolios, such as taking on numerous community service projects and internships during their holidays.

4. The competition is ruthless

My sister, who was from NJC, once shared that her friend left her notes and wallet on the canteen table to get a drink. When she returned, the thief had taken her notes, not the wallet.

Whether it was academics, CCAs or leadership positions, competition was insane. I heard of peers from other JCs who kena sabo, and had their notes, stationery and graphic calculators destroyed or stolen leading up to their exams.

5. A wrong choice of subject combination could ruin your life

I chose the Science over the Arts stream because I was told I would have better prospects, even though my interests lay in Arts.

I did not enjoy what I was studying and found it hard to grasp the concepts taught. Compared to my classmates, I took a longer time to complete my homework and fared terribly in tests. My self-esteem continued to plunge.

6. Failing is a new norm, even if you’ve never failed previously

Unlike in secondary school, attaining a C grade for a subject in JC was considered a feat in itself.

Personally, I hardly failed in secondary school so all the Ungraded (U) and Sub-pass (S) grades on my report card came as a rude shock. My confidence level hit rock-bottom and I felt like a failure.

7. You are constantly fighting against time

In JC, most school days ended around 5pm, and I needed more than an hour to travel home. I barely had time to study, and I was surviving on 4 to 5 hours of sleep a night. In those 2 years, my eyebags practically doubled in size.

Being in a sports CCA made it worse as after-school training sessions left me both mentally and physically drained. As I was too tired to talk to my family most of the time, my relationship with them became more distant. Ironically, it was their support I needed the most.

8. You’ll always be behind IP students

As the Integrated Programme (IP) syllabus bypasses the O-levels, IP students get a head start on A-level preparations because their teachers equip them with the necessary skills much earlier.

This puts O-level graduates like myself at a disadvantage, because we have less time to get used to the rigour of the system.

All in all, be prepared to find yourself at the bottom of the bell-curve because you’ll be fighting with the cream of the crop.

Hard Truths About JC in Singapore

The hardest pill I had to swallow was learning that hard work in JC didn’t guarantee success. There were always people who had additional resources, more discipline, better luck.

All that was left for me to do was to be kinder to myself and learn to be content, no matter the outcome. source.

Why Eating Alone No Longer Scares Me

Eating Alone In Singapore

If you grew up in Singapore, you will know that food is life.

At some point, I went on the Master Cleanse for 28 days, consuming only lemon juice, water, cayenne pepper and nothing else. Being deprived of food was tough but not as tough as being deprived of gatherings that involved eating (i.e almost all of them).

Eating is our main template for social interactions. Maybe that’s why eating alone comes with feelings of terror and abandonment, at least for me.

Eating alone for the first time

I was about 20 when I began college in an entirely new culture: an art school in New York City. I remember very clearly when the lunch bell rang on the first day of school.

Everybody got up and darted for the door. People didn’t hang around and spend 15 minutes wondering what they should eat. They just stood up and left!

The horror.

Left alone in a dim art studio, I tried to regain my composure. I fumbled for the door and emerged out of the building into the harsh New York winter. Separated from my kin and friends, this would be my first time having to get a meal alone.

Soon, I realised something as standard as having meals together in Singapore is reserved for special occasions in America.

But you don’t learn to swim without getting wet. So began my journey of eating alone, all thanks to being dunked in the deep end of the pool on my first day at university.

Special holidays like Thanksgiving made me thankful for having pals to eat with

Why eating alone feels uncomfortable

In Singapore, eating together is a routine we don’t think twice about. It’s probably more difficult for loners who want to eat alone without being labelled as a sociopath. Even in our workplaces, we cordially wait for each other to buy food and if we do eat out, we sit at the same table … unlike those Americans!

My grandmother brought me up and sharing meals was status quo. Eating alone has been subconsciously ingrained in Singaporeans as being antisocial, an activity for people who have no friends.

Why I had to ditch my fear of eating alone

When I was in between jobs, I often had to eat by myself. I felt a sense of shame telling me I was a failure in life. It wasn’t logical and even when I tried to brush those thoughts away, they came back to accompany my meal.

About two years ago, I moved to Japan for a year to work and guess what? It meant I ate most of my meals alone.

Lunchtime was not fixed there and workers just ate their bento box at their desks when they had some spare time. This was absolute misery for a Singaporean like me. I missed my kopitiam meal with colleagues and freshly brewed teh tarik.

No longer a 20-year-old, it was time for me to grow up. And what better way to master solo dining than where they invented private eating booths because humans are a distraction to the food?

Source - The famous Ichiran ramen restaurant is designed for solo dining, a concept unimaginable to my Singaporean upbringing

Somehow being in a drastically different environment and culture helped me overcome my shame of eating alone. It made clear that the shame was mostly emotional baggage that does not hold up to logic.

The more I ate alone, the more I told myself it’s okay. The occasional Instagram browsing and phone-game playing helped mitigate the silence. These days, I read a book or just look at the lush greenery.

Like anything else, sheer exposure and practice made me immune to the supposed shame of solo dining. I also realise most people are too engrossed in their food and conversations to pay any attention to you. Unless of course they are solo diners too, which then keeps you in good company, ironically.   

Why Eating Alone No Longer Scares Me

Honestly, eating alone is still not my preference. Meals are for making a mess on the table and inappropriate discussions. But eating alone no longer scares me, after I realised it’s the norm for many people around the world.

When I feel lonely, I post an Instagram story of my food. The perceived amount of people who view my post alleviates the loneliness a little.

As Ichiran ramen taught us, humans are just a distraction to the sensory pleasure of eating anyway. And if all else fails, try talking to the waiter or the friendly tourist next to you.

source: Zula.sg

14 Non-Hotel Wedding Venues Under $20,000 for 200 Pax

Non-Hotel Wedding Venues

If you were like most little girls growing up, you probably would have given some thought to how your wedding would pan out. For most, waltzing down the main carpet of a grand hotel ballroom in a designer gown, surrounded by hundreds of friends and family is considered de rigueur.

However, as the price of hotel wedding tables hits a new high, Singaporean millennials are increasingly choosing to hold their weddings in alternative, non-hotel venues. Not only is renting non-hotel venues wallet-friendly, but it also allows for a more casual, relaxed wedding arrangement.

Be it a small wedding of 50 comprising of family and close friends or a more extravagant celebration with 200 guests, saying “I do” at one of these non-hotel wedding venues won’t put a hole in your wallet.

For your convenience, this article states the cost per guests. If the restaurant states prices per table, the article assumes each table seats ten guests. Prices are correct on date of publishing. 

1. Beaulieu House

Credit: Shilton Tan Photography

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For those who prefer their wedding setup to give off a rustic woodland feel, get hitched at Beaulieu House. Dine on Chinese seafood and western cuisine in this neo-classical colonial mansion which overlooks the blue waters of the Johor Straits.

Price: From S$70 per guest

Guest capacity: up to 200

Address: 117 Beaulieu Rd, S(759837)

Contact number: 6257 9234

Email: enquiries@beaulieuhouse.com.sg

2. Sentosa Golf Club 

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If you love scenery and nature, Sentosa Golf Club is the place to gather with your loved ones against the backdrop of one of the world’s top golf courses. Known for their impeccable service, Sentosa will help customise your wedding theme to cater to either an intimate ceremony or a lavish matrimony.

Price: From ~S$88+ per guest, $888+ per lunch table (minimum spend of 10 tables). See full menu here.

Guest capacity: up to 280

Address: 27 Bukit Manis Rd, S(099892)

Contact number: 6279 1791 / 6373 7135

Email: Fill in the form here

3. Chui Huay Lim

Credit: Koro Studio Photography

At the Chui Huay Lim Teochew restaurant, each booking comes with a complimentary barrel of 30-litre Tiger beer, cake, floral decorations, a bottle of champagne and champagne fountain display for toasting.

Price: From S$70 per guest, (minimum spend of 20 tables), see full menu here

Guest capacity: 200 guests onward

Address: 190 Keng Lee Road, #01-02, Chui Huay Lim Club, S(308490)

Contact number: 6732 3637

Email: Fill in the form here

4. Faber Peak Singapore

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Instead of a formal sit-down dinner in a hotel ballroom, opt for a more casual but equally exquisite lunch atop Mount Faber. Overlooking views of the city and the harbour, Faber Peak Singapore promises a romantic wedding which will leave you feeling on top of the world.

Price: From S$108 per guest for lunch, (minimum spend of 10 tables), see full menu here

Guest capacity: 100 to 230

Address: Faber Peak Singapore, Level 2, 109 Mount Faber Road, S(099203)

Contact number: 6377 9688

Email: events@onefabergroup.com

5. Hilltop Garden Restaurant

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For those who want a more traditional, hotel-styled Chinese banquet setting, try the Hilltop Garden Restaurant. The restaurant offers 9-course meals replete with a cocktail reception party, and the first course served with laser lighting, smoke and music effects.

Price: From S$70 per guest, (minimum spend of 20 tables), see full menu here

Guest capacity: 200 guests onward

Address: Civil Service Club, 91 Bukit Batok West Avenue 2, S(659206)

Contact number: 6316 5500

Email: Fill in the form here

6. Hort Park

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Increasingly, holding outdoor weddings have been in vogue, with Hort Park being a popular choice. However, if you don’t want to compromise on comfort, have the ceremony on HortLawn and usher your guests into the indoor, air-conditioned multi-purpose hall for a catered sit-down meal after.

Price: S$775.75 for a four-hour booking (Tuesdays to Thursdays), S$963 for a four-hour booking (Fridays to Sundays), book venue here

Guest capacity: up to 200

Address: 33 Hyderabad Rd, S(119578)

Contact number: 6773 0060

Email: Fill in the form here

7. Da Paolo BistroBar

Credit: Synchronal Photography

Credit: Synchronal Photography

Couples who prefer a more private setting can consider Da Paolo BistroBar, tucked away in Rochester Park. Settle down for a serving of contemporary European cuisine over drinks in the gastrobar’s breezy, laid-back environment.

Price: Canapes start at S$28 per guest, buffets start at S$58++ per guest, see full menu here

Guest capacity: up to 200

Address: 3 Rochester Park, S(139214)

Contact number: 6774 5537 or 9363 7592

Email: events@dapaolo.com.sg

8. Little Island Brewing Co.

Credit: Bloc Memoire Photography

Credit: Thomas Tan

Located by the sea, Little Island Brewing Co. is an industrial-chic café which serves as an ideal wedding venue. Sit down with your loved ones for an elegant meal as the sunset filters into the alfresco space. And when everyone’s hunger is sated, cue music from a live band and dance the night away.

Price: From S$57 per guest (minimum spend of S$1,140), see full menu here

Number of guests: 50 to 380

Address: Block 6, Changi Village Road, #01-01/02, S(509907)

Contact number: 6543 9100

Email: info@libc.co

9. Masons at Gillman Barracks

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With its monochromatic colour palette and minimalistic interior design, Masons is a quaint venue which is both stylish and sophisticated. Guests can spill out into the restaurant’s adjoining garden alfresco area, preventing the venue from feeling over-crowded.

Price: From S$68 per guest (minimum spend varies, see rates here)

Guest capacity: up to 200

Address: 8 Lock Road, S(108936)

Contact number: 6694 2216

Email: events@masons.sg

10. Min Jiang @ One-North

Credit: Synchronal Photography

Credit: Synchronal Photography

Min Jiang @ One-North offers an oriental chic wedding nestled within Rochester park. Housed in a stylish two-storey black and white colonial bungalow, dine on Sichuan and Cantonese cuisine with your guests on the restaurant’s open-air terrace.

Price: From S$78 per guest, see full menu here

Guest capacity: 50 to 150 (inclusive of outdoor seating)

Address: 5 Rochester Park, S(139216)

Contact number: 6774 0122

Email: Fill in the form here

11. Prima Tower Revolving Restaurant

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Up your wedding dinner game when you host your guests in this revolving dining room offering a panoramic sea view. Keep the glasses of your guests full with freeflow red wine, beer, soft drinks and Chinese tea from 7.00pm to 10.30pm.

Price: From S$57 per guest, see full menu here

Guest capacity: 200 to 400

Address: 201 Keppel Road, S(099419)

Contact number: 6277 6841

Email: wedding.enquiry@prima.com.sg

12. Republic of Singapore Yacht Club

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Want a yacht wedding but don’t want to deal with seawater possibly ruining your hair and makeup? Hold your wedding on land at the Republic of Singapore Yacht Club instead. Feast on either an international buffet meal or an 8-course Chinese dinner buffet dinner against the picturesque backdrop of yachts and water.

Price: From S$88.90, (minimum spend of 10 tables), see full menu here

Guest capacity: 100 to 250

Address: 52 West Coast Ferry Road, S(126887)

Contact number: 6768 9297

Email: sales@rsyc.org.sg

13. Tanjong Beach Club

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Credit: Synchronal Photography

Credit: Synchronal Photography

If you’re the sort who love holidaying wherever there’s sun, sand, and sea, hold a tropical-themed wedding at the Tanjong Beach Club. For maximum chill beach vibes, invite your guests to lounge and sip on cocktails by the poolside before settling down for a coastal-inspired, evening meal.

Price: Canapes start at S$38 per guest, meals start at S$52 per guest, see full menu here

Guest capacity: 50 to 300

Address: 120 Tanjong Beach Walk, Sentosa, S(098942)

Contact number: 6270 1355

Email: tbc@tanjongbeachclub.com

14. The Chevrons

At the Chevrons, have a breezy, tranquil poolside wedding. Choose from International, Malay, Chinese or Indian menu options and feast under the moonlight or bask in the sun with your guests.

Price: From S$73 per guest, (minimum of 30 pax), see full menu here

Guest capacity: 30 to 500

Address: 48 Boon Lay Way, S(609961)

Contact number: 6668 8865

Email: banquetsales@chevrons.org.sg

Non-Hotel Wedding Locations In Singapore

Though weddings are meant to be a once-in-a-lifetime celebration, it doesn’t mean you should blow your life savings on a single evening to make your special night memorable.

If anything, a poorly budgeted wedding can riddle you and your new spouse in financial debt, and cause unnecessary, unhappy arguments about money.

One tip to prevent marring your big day and to exercise financial responsibility is to use SingSaver to compare the various personal loans available across Singapore for a loan most suitable to fund your big day.

Both the Citibank Personal loan (4.27% per annum) and the HSBC personal loan (4.5% per annum) are great choices as they both have one of the lowest interest rates on the market.

If you have credit cards, make them work for you via cashback rebates when you use them to pay off loans. The cashback rebate from Standard Chartered Bank’s Unlimited Cashback of 1.5% and AMEX’s True Cashback of 3% does add up and can help you save more.

So plan your finances carefully and fully enjoy your wedding day!

Cover image: Bloc Memoire Photography

This post was brought ot you by SingSaver.

source: https://zula.sg/non-hotel-wedding/